DOPE FIEND ON LSD DROPS TO DEATH FROM DUMPY DIVE DOWNTOWN 'DUDES! CHECK IT! I CAN FLY, I CAN FLYYYYYYYY' An overnight drug party ended on a sour note Thursday morning when a stoned teen died after jumping through a ninth story window in downtown's loverly Best Western. The youth may have been trying to land in a pool near where he landed on the second floor. T.WORLD

TREE DAMAGE RENDERS TULSA PARKS TOO DANGEROUS; KJRH: THINK TWICE BEFORE VISITING PARKS RAZOR SHARP, THOUSAND POUND TREE LIMBS HANG BY FIBRES You read it here first, Tulsan: lingering 'hanging chads' - killer remnants of Tulsans' 08 Ice Storm - will present dangers for time immemorial as loose limbs threaten park goers with summary impalement. The good news is that this may be a great time to start a tree business. (We would alert KJRH that the danger is not 'after' debris removal, but rather, before debris removal...) KJRH

OKLAHOMA BANKERS' ASSOCIATION CLIENTS FEEL THE PAIN OF HB 1804 COMMISSIONS STUDY OF 'ANTI-ILLEGAL-IMMIGRANT' LAW, FINDS STATE PENALIZED $1.8 BILLION REALLY? SAYS WHO? NAME SOME OF YOUR LAW-BREAKING CLIENTS! From the AP (though not from The AP) 'The Oklahoma Bankers Association said it has no stand on the immigration measure, but commissioned the study after reports from banks of problems incurred by companies that employ immigrant workers. One restaurant that had been making $5,000 payments to a bank each month closed its doors, construction projects have been delayed because of a lack of workers and farm workers have disappeared, banking officials said.' It is doubtful whether the bankers will disclose the names of their beleaguered clients, or that bank managers will admit to their Boards of Directors that they were extending loans to shady operations. No. Easier to blame Sooners for their narrow mindedness. GOOGLED: OKLAHOMA BANKERS ASSOCIATION

A HAWK GROWS IN BROOKSIDE 'MUFFY, WHERE ARE YOU SNOOKUMS? HAS ANYONE SEEN THE POODLE?' Sutton Center eat your heart out! Tulsans have their very own aviary miracle in the heart of midtown as a breeding pair of hawks nest on KJRH's broadcast tower. KJRH

THE HUNT IS ON: FINDING TULSANS' FAVORITE 'GREASY SPOON'!! SEARCH DATABASE FOR RESTAURANT INSPECTION VIOLATIONS Q: ARE PUBES IN THE NACHOS A SUPERCRITICAL VIOLATION? A:??? Tulsans and visitors can now check up on their local eateries through the magickal power of the internets! The Mazzio's on E. 11 - across from TU - had 13 VIOLATIONS (5 CRITICAL/1 SUPERCRITICAL) one visit but on another visit fielded a respectable 5/1/0. By way of comparison, haughty Garlic Rose did not score significantly higher on average than fast food joints! Search - if you must - for YOUR favorite greasy spoon the Tulsa World's online database.

THERE GOES THE NEIGHBORHOOD: COMMUNITY WORLD PUBLISHES LAST EDITIONS ONE-DAY WARNING AS LOYAL EMPLOYEES GET COLD SHOULDER TREATMENT 'THE COMMUNITY WORLD PUBLICATIONS, which have provided local news in a weekly format for numerous metropolitan Tulsa areas, began in 1993 with production of the Central, South and Broken Arrow editions. Later, editions in East, Midtown and West were added. Today, Community World editions are published in Broken Arrow, Eastside, Westside, Southside and Midtown. The editions have been inserted every Wednesday, according to geographic location, in the daily Tulsa World.' T.WORLD.

OWASSANS FEAR DUCK-MUNCHING ALLIGATORS IN CENTENNIAL POND PIC: ANIMAL CONTROL OSSIFER WRINGS HANDS 'At approximately 11:30 a.m. Tuesday, the Owasso Police Department and Owasso Animal Control were notified by a concern citizen that they may have seen an alligator in the pond. "We can't confirm or deny if an alligator is in the pond, but we've had a few concerned citizens say that they saw an alligator in the pond," deputy police chief Scott Chambless said.' NEIGHBORNEWS

ORU LAWSUIT: 'BILLION$ ANNUALLY' FUNNELED THROUGH $ECRET UNRESTRICTED ACCOUNT AS-'OF-YET UNNAMED SOURCE SAYS REGENTS USED SLUSH FUND A former Oral Roberts University accountant revised his lawsuit on Thursday to allege that more than $1 billion annually was funneled through the university, possibly to individual regents. "It appears that many of the former board members were actual participants in the funneling of money through the university for their own eventual personal use, and thus, the foxes were watching the hen house," says former accountant Trent Huddleston's lawsuit.' T.WORLD

CALL THE WAAAAHMBULANCE: JENKS ADMINISTRATORS GET ALL UPSET BECAUSE OF MYSPACE PRANKS STUDENTS SUSPENDED FOR WORLD-WIDE WEB PRANK 'Police say the students may have to go to court,and even possibly jail. Myspace has already taken the pages down. But you can see here, the site is an open forum. In this case, the students put up spiteful comments and even invited other students to give their opinions.' KTUL

ELDERLY WEST TULSAN KILLED WHILE TRIMMING TREES 'HANGING CHADS' LITTER GREEN COUNTRY FORESTS, URBAN CANOPIES STOPTHECHOP.NET may want to rethink its purposes in the face of millions of hanging branches that adorn Green Country's woodlands. Weighing hundreds of pounds, some specimens can punch their sharpened stakes inches into the ground when they eventually fall. KTUL

CONSTRUCTION INDUSTRY FESSES UP: LACK OF ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AFFECTING PROJECTS COSTS, COMPLETION DATES IN DISARRARY ' Construction companies say they're having a hard time finding enough qualified workers to finish the projects. It's something Tim Sortore with Key Construction says companies across the board are noticing. "We've heard stories of people loosing half of their work force." FOX23

SAD BEYOND WORDS: 'SAFARI JOES' INFERNO KILLS SCORES OF EXOTIC ANIMALS GENTLE GIANT BOTTLE-FED MANY OF THE BEASTS FROM BABIES 'It is expected to be quite some time before an exotic animal park will reopen after a deadly fire. Eighty to 100 animals died in a fire at Safari Joe's Exotic Wildlife Sanctuary. It's along highway 69 three miles north of Adair in Mayes County. News On 6 anchor Craig Day reports the owner is looking to recover from the tragedy. Joe Estes says he couldn't believe what was happening when a large building with animals inside caught fire at Safari Joe's Exotic Wildlife Refuge near Adair.' KOTV

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